Two Americans in Chile

Rinse and Repeat

it’s funny. One of the things I didn’t want to happen when I came to Santiago was to end up in just the same routine I had in Portland, but here. I didn’t want to spend the majority of my day on my computer, going out occasionally, and really not “experiencing” the city. I didn’t want to fill a vast and open space of time each day with little productivity. I wanted to actually accomplish things I would never be able to accomplish while working a full-time job. Like write a movie. Create a killer website. Learn a new city. Learn a new language.

Now that I’m here, I find that it’s pretty hard to do what you need to do to feel content. In some ways, I feel the pull of gravity to do the things I’m comfortable doing. Surfing the web, accomplishing small projects, but not really moving forward with anything GRAND. I find myself completely paralyzed by the options I have at my disposal, and as a result, tend to do less.

I am learning a new language, and spend 4 hours a day in class. I also try and spend a little time studying and doing homework each night. This is great, but it tends to sort of introduce a schedule into your life that feels very similar to a job. You’re paying to go, so you feel an obligation to be there, and you know you’ll never have another opportunity like this in the future, so you better take advantage and really learn spanish. But with that, it takes a good portion of your day, and then you start to get stingy with the rest of your time, afraid you’ll waste it.

Another issue comes from the fact that the expectations are so big, you get a little scared of doing something. With all of this time, I feel that I better really ACCOMPLISH something, but then that pressure makes the pull of inaction even greater. Fear of failure.

Now that I’ve been here three weeks, I find that I’m able to exercise with a bit of frequency, and that’s good. We’re cooking and hanging out with Steve and Sarilyn pretty much every night, which is awesome. We’re spending 2-3 hours a day at most on the computer, which is also awesome. We’re trying to travel or do something exciting on the weekends, which has been rewarding and entertaining. We’re focusing on our spanish as much as we can, which I think is paying off. I also have been working on my movie a little bit. I’ve spent a few afternoons setting up scenes and developing the characters. I have a lot left to do, but I think I’m moving forward fairly well.

In the end, I’m pretty happy with our trip so far, but I know that I need to be purposeful about our time here, and at the same time, be relaxed enough to enjoy it instead of worrying about what I think the trip should produce. I really feel that this is a special time in my life when I get to leave my job and country and experience another country. I’m not sure if I’ll get this chance again, and I’m petrified of having regrets. However, the biggest regret would probably be looking back at a nervous and worrisome attitude the whole time, instead of drinking the wine and loving life… which I do have a tendency to do… so I’m guessing it won’t be a problem.